Fear. It is truly a four letter word.
There is fear and then there is FEAR. Sure, there are things that are kind of scary, like a big spider, but then there are things that are really scary, like a little snake. No, I didn't get those backwards. A big spider might frighten me a little, but even the tiniest, worm-like snake sends me running for the hills (well, anywhere in the opposite direction of the snake).
Before my husband and I got married, I told him about my fear of snakes. I told him how much I hate them, how even a picture of a snake sends a shiver down my spine. I did my best to help him understand just how terrified I am of these hideous, slithering creatures. I don't think he understood.
One day we went to Petland to look at puppies. For some reason, we made our way to the back corner of the store where the fish are located. I didn't realize, however, that beyond the fish were the slithering, hissing creatures from my nightmares. We rounded the corner and there they were. Tiny snakes and medium sized snakes, all in glass aquariums. It didn't matter that they couldn't get to me. It didn't matter how small they were. A snake is a snake is a snake. A snake behind glass is still a snake. I took one look at the glassed in hissing creatures and told my husband to get me out of the room. I think he thought I was joking until he saw the look on my face. "You really are scared of snakes," he said, once we exited the area and I quit squirming. "I told you I was scared of snakes," I retorted.
Snakes are probably at the top of my list of tangible things I fear. I use the word tangible because there are so many other things I'm afraid of that don't really count as "things." You can't touch them and you can't see them. I can, however, feel them. Fears like failure and disappointing others.
I hate to admit to these fears. Unlike my fear of snakes, my less tangible fears are somehow more apparent in my life on a daily basis. I don't have to face a snake everyday, but each day there is some other fear I have to face.
It's when I begin to think about these fears that I have to remind myself that I can learn to conquer them and can learn from them. I have failed on numerous occasions, but I have learned from those mistakes. I remember taking Calculus in high school and failing my first test. I was mortified. My worst fear had come true. I learned, however, how to bounce back from that and I learned how to help my own students overcome their struggles when I became a math teacher.
I also frequently disappoint people, even when I don't intend to. Even with the best of intentions, I sometimes hurt people's feelings or let people down. Once again, when that happens, I have to remind myself to learn from it and do my best to make sure it doesn't happen again in the future.
Most importantly, I've learned that facing my fears has often provided me with a great sense of accomplishment. When I was in high school, I had the opportunity to go to Paris and London with my high school French class. Part of me really wanted to go. Several of my friends were going on the trip and my French teacher who was sponsoring the trip was one of my favorite teachers. Part of me, the bigger part of me, was scared about going on the trip. I had never been away from home for more than a few days and quite honestly, I let my fears keep me from going on that trip. After looking back on a missed opportunity, I vowed that I wouldn't miss a similar opportunity in the future.
I was part of the Honor's Program in college. One of the requirements of the program was to study abroad. Finally, I had no choice. In order to graduate with honors, I had to travel outside the country. The summer before my senior year of college, I went on a trip to Italy with the education department. Several of my friends went on the trip, too, and it remains one of the best experiences of my life. I faced my fears, flew on a plane for over nine hours, and spent 17 days in Italy.
So fear not. Do your best. Learn from your mistakes.
But just so you know, I still plan to avoid snakes.
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